Love

It always seems like you need something so bad until you finally attain it and realize that you want so much more. It’s even harder when human emotions are caught up in it all. I’ve always been so thirsty to fall in love but it seems as if every time I think I’m in love that I end up either getting hurt or hurting someone else. I know love isn’t ever going to be a walk in the park, but I feel like if it’s real that no matter how much doubt you had about it at the end of the day you’d truly know that it was love. In this day and age the word “love” is thrown around with little relevance to the true meaning. What is love anyways? A human emotion based off lust and co-dependency? An obsession? To be honest I don’t even know what love is anymore. Maybe some day someone will redefine the meaning of love. I guess in a way I have an idea what I’d like love to be; although to be honest I feel like to some people it may be too much to ask. It’s easy for me to give my all to a person because I’ve always been a selfless person. I’ve always put others before myself and as much as I think that it’s a positive quality I feel like it does contribute to my downfall at times. It seems as if most of the people I come across and coexist with end up extorting my kindness and using it as a weakness. It’s tainted the way I coexist with people. I’m always ready for the worst case scenario. I just wish for once I could get over my past enough to not stigmatize my present relationships. It’s important that I don’t’ let my past dictate my future, but I can’t take my past lightly as I never want to make the same mistake twice. It’s like a vicious cycle; damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I have faith that there will come a time in my life where I’ll look back at things and just laugh, maybe even thank God that I went through the things that I did. To extent I am glad that I’ve experienced as much as I have in my life time because at such a young age, I’m full of so much wisdom. I don’t always practice what I preach but I don’t think anyone could possibly practice everything they preach except God himself.