You and I

When I look into your eyes I see what could be.
Serenity found within your gaze.
Never knowing for certain what will become of you and I
Yet convinced our paths were destined to cross.
My whole life I’ve spent searching high and low
For a love that was truly qualified to reciprocate.
All those lonely nights I stayed up wondering
If the man of my dreams would deliver me from solitude
We met by chance and parted ways
Not a word between us spoken.
Although for a brief moment our eyes met
Was it by fate our worlds collided?
Only in the days and weeks to come
Can I determine where your intentions lye.
But I can only pray the truth is beneficial.
Constructive to both our futures
With love anything is possible
The possibilities endless
So let’s take this one day at a time
And see where this thing called love will take us.

Conflicted

Conflicted inside about the way that life should be
Never quite sure where I’m going
Indecisive about the things I cannot control
Even more so about the things beyond them
Deep down I know I’ll find peace
But in the meantime I remain anxious
Anticipating the future that has yet to come
Whether I’m ready or not still is not determined
Will my present comply with my future?
Or will I forever comply with my past?

Torn

Torn about things I cannot change.
Slowly spiraling out of control.
Not sure what the new day brings.
Hoping it's not the downfall of my existance.
Regreting my yesterday and dreading tomorrow.
Can I save myself from this vicious cycle
Or will it swallow me up whole

Leaders in Change

Life is anything but easy and I acknowledge and accept that. I know that love hurts and isn't always what we bargained for. I know that people in this day are lost without a cause. Knowing all this doesn't mean that I have to follow a trend. I refuse to sit by and let other peoples mistakes dictate my future. I often sit and wonder why the good people of America as well as the people of the world have to pay for the bad decisions that others have made. It saddens me to have to hear about a different tragedy every single day. The madness is wearing on my psyche and I don't want to deal with it anymore. It's time the good people on this earth take a stand for what is right and all that is good. I feel its a shame that people who share my opinions don't stand up for themselves more. Instead because they are in constant fear of rejection, they hide their heads in the ground like ostriches hoping maybe someone else will make it go away. We need to stop waiting for others to make a change; we need to stop being followers. It's time to take a stand a become leaders in change. The world will never change if we continue in the direction we're going. I am well aware of the many changes that have occurred in the recent months including our first ever African American President. I myself voted for Barack Obama and commend what he stands for. However I believe that too many people are putting all of their desires and expectations on him. He may be the President of America however a leader is only as good as the people that follow him. In the recent months that have passed America has had a huge out break in violent crimes and in my opinion sheer ignorance. I find it ironic that one day we're all in Grant Park holding hands and coexisting and not even 6 months after the election and swearing in of our new president we are back to the ignorance that has kept humanity bound in the first place. Are we to forever fall victim to this vicious cycle or will we as human beings finally come to the realization that together we are much more powerful than when we are divided? I hope we figure it out before it is indeed too late!

Thankful

It's not often I feel the need to blog about positivity mostly because of the fact that when I'm in a positive mind set, I'm usually out and about busy with things that are making happy. However I felt compelled to sit here and take the time out of my day to blog about everything that I am thankful for. As most of you have read I've been going through some rough times. I'm sure my writing has reflected my conflicted state of mind. I have been going through great lengths to cut out the unnecessary complications in my life to allow me to move on and progressively move forward with things as opposed to being caught up and brought down by drama.

For those of you who read my blog concerning my now ex-boyfriend things are still where they were before. Although I recently spoke to him about a day or two ago. He went missing for a few weeks on everyone when I secretly had called to check up on him. I may be angry at him for what he did to me in our relationship however I was friends with him long before we ever started dating. He claims he's doing okay though. He evidently bagged the stupid bitch Nicole he was kicking it with... about time. However, you never really know with him; he could just be saying that. All I know is that whatever he decides to do is his own problem and not mine anymore. Thank You Jesus!

I have acquired a new set of friends that thankfully are close to home as opposed to in the city. They live right down the street in Bellwood actually. There is this one guy in the little group I've adopted as friends that I'm secretly into, although I'm sure everyone knows my intentions. I haven't really had a chance to speak with him one on one except for when we were in the car the other day going to the corner store. However in that short period of time I'm well aware he at least reciprocates feelings when it comes to the physical attraction towards me. We'll see what happens. At this point I'm just playing it by ear.

I've been going out a lot lately... I think mostly because the weather has been so beautiful. I've been getting a lot of attention from the opposite sex since I've been going out. It's been a nice self esteem booster especially since I've put on a few pounds the past few months. When I'm under a lot of stress it seems I always gain wait. Food I suppose is my stress reliever although I know that's not always a great thing. Anyways that is besides the point. The fact is even though I gained a few pounds I'm still one hot mama! I'm looking forward to the weekend! I totally forgot I was working on Sunday morning though. Not only that but it's also Mother's Day. I'm going to try to do something really special for my Mother even though sometimes she drives me up the wall.

Sunday should prove to be quite interesting since Friday and Saturday I've decided that I finally need to let loose and do a little bit of partying! Of course I won't do anything to over the top! But still a girl needs to indulge every now and then right!? Plus today is Cinco De Mayo so I definitely need to compensate for that since I can't do it big tonight!

Lately I've been having so many mixed feelings and emotions. I'm not depressed but I'm not completely happy either. I suppose I'm at the crossroad in my life now where I know what I need to do, I'm just overwhelmed with the amount of change I am going to have to undergo in order to get where I really want. I'm so used to going out everyday however if I want to save money, I have to cut down on my expenses. My biggest problem as of right now is going out everyday. I can't stand to sit in the house bored and watch TV. I've never been the type to watch anything on TV unless it's cartoons (Family Guy), music videos (but MTV & VH1 never play those anymore) or Scrubs & House. I seldom sit down to watch anything anymore... I can barely sit still for a movie if it's not exciting enough. Anyways I guess I'm just at the point where I don't want to stay home. I want to be out meeting new people and living life. I hate that this recession has forced us all to have cut down on things that we enjoy. I sense a political rant if I don't stop and this blog in particular is supposed to be positive energy so let's move on! :)

My father hasn't been on my ass as much lately which has been nice. I feel so free when I don't have to come home at a certain time. For a long time I see that was the big issue that was pushing us away from each other. When he gives me a little more freedom I see that we don't bump heads as much. I know that so badly he wants to do the fatherly thing all the time and be a parent, but I'm almost 23 years old. I can make decisions on my own... and if I make the wrong one... I will deal with the repercussions. I am glad though that he's starting to acknowledge that.

Other than that my job is doing good. I haven't been as stressed out as I normally am there because my boss finally came out and told everyone she was pregnant... 7 months after the fact but hey at least we know now. Her spirits have seemed to lift after she told everyone. She's been a lot more bearable and I haven't been criticized as much. I even got an edible arrangment last week for Administrative Professionals Day! :) So I've been much happier at work since my boss has lightened up. :) Anyways enough of me blabbing... let me get back to work and I'll write more later. I always do :)

Thank You God for another day on this beautiful Earth :)