thinking...

Many people would probably tell me that I over analyze things. They would probably say that I stress out about the small stuff too much and that I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion. I guess I just have a low tolerance for disappointment and failure. I'm getting used to the idea that there aren't a lot of people left in the world that will genuinely care about your well being or feelings for that matter. I suppose I'm in denial; hoping that deep down inside people are righteous and good. I guess it's not so much denial because in my opinion hope isn't necessarily a bad thing. If I loose hope I loose everything my persona emits.
I feel as if sometimes I'm in search of something that doesn't exist. I don't think that my expectations are unreasonable at all however it seems as if in this day and age what I ask for is just too much for people. I've had my heart broken time and time again and to be honest I'm used to people coming in and out of my life. I'm used to people treating my heart like a revolving door. I guess I should just slow down and re-evaluate my state of mind as I know I've spent a majority of my past trying to repair everyone else’s problems; all the while subconsciously under he impression that what I was doing was making up for the stupid things that I've did before.
My whole life I’ve tried to live up to other peoples expectations not really ever taking the time to truly get to know myself. When someone asks me what I want to do, my answer is always, “I don’t know what do you want to do?” I’ve become so complacent with living my life according to others that I’ve lost myself.