the end brings a new beginning

So as most of you know, I just got out of a really bad relationship a few months ago. I haven't really been able to vent about it the way I wanted to. I don't have too many people I can talk to about these things so instead I shall blog. Before we started dating, him and I were very close for years. I'd met him on some random shit and we talked on the phone and consoled each other through things for years. I guess you can say he was my best friend for a long time. We finally realized that there was a lot of physical chemistry going on between us around Thanksgiving 08' and we decided to give being in a relationship a shot. At first things were perfect; he was my boyfriend and my best friend, what was there not to like. But as time progressed in the short amount of time we were together, he slowly started to drift away from me. I was constantly going above and beyond to try to make him happy and yet he'd barely make an effort to ever do anything for me. His selfishness and greed was what ultimately made me throw my hands up. There were several occasions I suppose you could classify his actions as neglect. Such as the time he left me at his friends house while he was on the next floor messing around with a female. Now granted at this time, if I remember correctly I don't believe we were official at this point but still it's just the principal of the whole matter. I wasn't so upset that he went upstairs for a while as much as I was upset with what happened while it all went down. I'm cool with the guys who I was staying with while he was upstairs. We were all friends and for the most part everyone respectful and cool. However on this night everyone but me had been drinking and partying. For a majority of the night I was a little upset. My feelings for him had been growing and up until this point he spent most of his time hanging out with me. So when all of the sudden he switched it up I wasn't as hopeful about the outcome of our overall relationship. As we're hanging out and I'm venting to the guys about it, we hear a bunch of popping noises. We ran to the window (because we're on the 5th floor) and saw a car speeding down the street and more popping noises. There was shooting right outside of the building. So because I was new to the area and wasn't familiarized with the people around me I started to get really anxious and upset. Here I am, at his friends house... with the sole purpose of hanging out with him, and he's upstairs with some stupid ass tramp too busy to come down and check and see if I'm okay. For all I knew he could have been outside when it was going down. So as you can imagine I was a nervous wreck. Since all of this went down, I started blowing up his phone. No answer. For the whole entire night... there was no answer. He left me alone with his friends that I are mere acquaintances to me with no regards to how I was feeling. Later on that night... one of his jack off friends stole the keys to my car and went to the liquor store. Well 4-5 hours after he left he still hadn't returned. His other friend who owned the apartment was home with me, drunk, and completely being obnoxious. So I call the car in stolen only then to find out that when he came back from the liquor store that he had stopped at his apartment downstairs and fell asleep. So I called my car in stolen to the police for absolutely no reason. Then when I called the police to let them know my car was in fact not stolen they told me that they couldn't erase the case by phone and that an officer had to come in and confirm that everything was okay. So I'm on the south side mind you and it's about 6:30AM. I had about 20 minutes of sleep all together and I had to be at work by 8AM. As I sat until about 7:30AM waiting for the stupid ass Chicago Police to get there I said to myself, " I have to be in Des Plaines at 8AM and it's already 7:30AM... fuck this shit I'm out" and so I decided to leave. All this bullshit I went through... all that could have been circumvented had his stupid ass just came the fuck home that night. But he had an excuse... always did and always will. He was at his mother's house at the time and when she heard the gunshots she wouldn't let him leave the house! So convenient for him, he got out of that one... even though I still resent him to this day for that whole mess. You'd think after that things would get better... I remember thinking... gosh I can't get any worse than that. However, I was sadly mistaken. Things did get worse and kept getting worse until I finally broke it off. I remember one weekend after I got in my car accident and no longer had a vehicle to get to the city... I went out of my way to take the train out there to see him. I got there Friday. Well Saturday he made up some bullshit excuse that he had to go back to his sisters house because he was going "out of town" for reasons he was unable to disclose for me. (fishy right?!) Well my train left late because when I realized it was about time to head home... I had just missed the train that was coming so I just stayed at his friends house, thinking he'd just stay with me until I had to go and walk me to the train station. Silly me, I should have known that he was just going to leave me there and go to his sister's house. So he leaves and calls me when he gets to his sisters house. He says to me, "So when are you leaving?" I said, "As soon as the next train comes... it's not going to be for a minute" Well when he called me back a little later and found out that his friend's nephews were over here he said, "Well I need a little money. So I'm finna come back and pick some up right quick." I said, "Fine. Whatever!" We all had a feeling he was just coming so he could check on me because he found out other guys where there. He comes in checks everyone out... brings me into the room and wants money from me! I gave it to him just so he'd get the fuck out my hair because I was really feeling one of his friends nephews. Shit in my mind, that guy would treat me way better than his lousy ass was treating me. That was the day that I had made up my mind about him. That was finally the day I realized that there were other fish in the sea that were bigger and better human beings that he'd ever be capable of being. So I broke up with him the first time. I said I couldn't deal with the pain and disappointment he was putting me through. Well he sent me a text message saying he was too hurt and didn't want to talk anymore. I couldn't believe he sent me something like that. The way he had been acting towards me had led me to believe he didn't want to be with me anymore. All the drama I went through merely seemed like a way to push me away to the point where I'd break up with him so I was sure he'd be happy about the whole situation. It was strange to have him acting like I was the one that broke his heart... when in fact it was the other way around. So I proposed the idea of an open relationship to see if our relationship was even worth salvaging. Some how in my heart I knew I was just going to be disappointed again but I had to give it one last chance. The Lord let me see what I needed to see though one weekend by chance to gain the closure I truly needed. Let me back track for a second so you fully understand the situation that led to these events. When we were getting ready to see each other for the first time, he was also talking to this other white girl. Now I've never seen this woman in my life. She claims she didn't like me because of some shit on my space that happened a few years back. I think one of my blogs may explain a certain set of events as well but this is the whole story. But anyways she told him that she didn't like me for whatever gay ass reason she had. Now mind you she's 28 years old and has 2 kids if I remember correctly. Yet she's still caught up in My Space drama... (get a life bitch and take care of your kids and stay out of my business!) So just know that this bitch was hating on me from the get go! Well the weekend we dubbed our relationship to and open one... I had plans to come out to the city and hang out with his friend's nephew. He told me he wasn't feeling good anyways so I didn't have to come see him at all that weekend. The original plan was I was going to go hang out with his friend's nephew, and then later on I'd be able to spend the night at his friend's house. Well the morning of the day I had the plans. His friend calls me and tells me that his female friend from out of state was coming in early so I couldn't spend the night. So as you could imagine I was pissed because the one thing I was looking forward to all week was now jeopardized because of some bullshit. Well, because I'm the type of person who gets what I want no matter what at times, I still came out on the train. I decided to be a twit and not look at the weekend forecast before I went out there. So when my train arrived at 47th it was pouring rain and it was cold. So I start walking. I stopped at Walgreen's and got an umbrella but decided halfway to his nephews house the rain was getting to bad so I needed to go inside somewhere for a minute until the rain subsided. So I stopped at the building. The security guards let me in and I just stood in the lobby and was waiting for the rain to stop. Well about 5 minutes after I got there... guess who walks in with the same white girl that's been hating on me! You know who! The fucked up part is that he's supposed to be at home resting because he's "Sick" and then what was even more fucked up was the fact that he walked in looked at me and kept right on walking to the end of the hall way without saying a word to me. That was about all the closure I needed. After that I just threw my hands up. We were going to try to be friends until the stupid bitch hit me up on my space hating on me yet again because she has absolutely no life evidently. When she told him to choose between her or me... he claimed that he told her to take a hike and that just because him and I didn't work out as a couple didn't mean he was going to throw years of friendship out for something so juvenile. HA! Then explain to me why he didn't bother to answer my calls or call me for the whole two weeks he wasn't around... uh-huh that's what I thought! He calls on Easter and says, "Hey how you doing?" and I said to him, "I'm great just spending time with family... it is Easter after all." The whole time I'm on the phone with him there is this awkward electricity I suppose you can call it. Finally I got sick and tired of acting like everything was okay and just said to him, "Look, I'm sick of being disappointed and I'm sick of being lied to. You told me you told her that if she couldn't accept us being friends you wouldn't talk to her anymore. You said she couldn't accept it... yet for two weeks you don't call me... and then I see pictures with you and her hanging out. So you've already made your choice. Don't call me anymore because I'm sick of disappointment..." And I hung up! Thank God that is over!!! But I had to get that out otherwise that drama would have plagued me for who knows how long!!! I'm just glad it's over and never ever again!!! Fuck stupid ass men that don't now how to treat women... I'm ready for a real man now!!!