Just Be Real!

Just Be Real!

Lies, cheats, fakes

They over populate this earth

They pollute our minds with doubt and hatred.

They waste our time energy and make us question our sanity.

I long for the day when people will just be real.

I wish for the sake of every human being,

We stop kidding ourselves and realize

that by being superficial and fake,

Not only are you cheating yourself

you are also cheating the world.

The reality of the fact is that life is too short,

In an instant God can end you very existance.

So why not spend the time you have on this earth,

Making an imprint on the lifes and hearts of others.

Instead of spreading negativity and drama,

Do something productive and stop wasting your life,

JUST BE REAL

Abandoned Feelings

It breaks my heart inside to have to do this to you.
I never meant to hurt you the way I have.
I just don't feel that love I had when this all began.
I'd be lying to myself to continue on living this charade.
I feel like such a horrible person for breaking it off like this.
But you have really left me no choice.
No calls, no emails, no texts.
How am I to know you even still truly care.
How many nights have I stayed up just wondering.
Wondering if when you say I love you... weather or not you truly mean it.
Wondering if I was the only woman in your life.
Wondering if it was even love at all.
I just couldnt sit back and let it eat away at me.
You gave me no reason not to believe otherwise.
Part of me will always love you.
The time we spent together will never be erased.
I'll always cherish every single moment we were together.
But I have to look out for myself.
This relationship was only going to drag me down mentally.
Love shouldnt be forced and it shouldnt be a challenge.
Love is supposed to be natural... like second nature.
Loving someone will never be convinient...

Second Thoughts

I thought I loved you,
I thought you really loved me too.
But lately I don't feel it.
Except when it's convinient for you.
We had that special connection.
To call it loved I dared.
But now looking back upon it.
It was never even there.
Many nights I laid up wondering,
If the feelings I had were true.
Was it a mistake to let my heart fall.
Was saying I loved you a mistake too?!
I'll never know for certain,
To be honest I don't even care.
I'm sick of waiting for phone calls,
And wondering if you'll be there.
So I guess it's really over.
I've made my mind up for sure.
I really thought I loved you.
But your feelings were a blur.

The Way He Makes Me Feel

There's something about the way you touch me that makes everything alright inside.
I could be having the day from hell but as soon as I see your number on the caller id, everythings alright.
The thought of what we could have excites me, but the thought that it won't exist scares me.
I want so bad for us to happen, but I don't want to rush it, don't want to force it.
I want to do it the right way right from the beginning because already you mean that much to me.
No one has ever made me feel this way before and it's the most amazing feeling.
The thought that someone cares about you enough to do it right as well is invigorating.
I can only hope that we will be together in the days, the months, the years to come.
Especially because I already see so much of myself in you.
The time that we spend together seems to go by too fast.
When we're together the rules of time seem to stop existing.
I never want to stop feeling like this!!

Late Night Thoughts

Late Night Thoughts

You seldom meet people nowadays whom you can really talk to. Someone who you could open up to about anything. In the world today, there are so many people who would turn against you for a chance at fame, a chance at fortune, a chance for something more. In a world where we are constantly struggling, it's hard to find people who will be true to you. People that will have your back no matter what just because thats what friends do. The power of the fear of failure has tainted our friendships, tainted our relationships, tainted the fabric of our very existance. It compromises integrety, and it compromises who we truly are as people. When a human life has a price tag on it, life itself doesn't seem that valuable anymore now does it? Kids grow up with the idea that everything comes with a price tag. In a world this materialistic its hard to value something which is so inconsistant. Kids would rather turn to money because it produces results right then and there. Money is neccesary, i'm not saying that I don't need it to live. However its not right when people value money more than their own life... their own families and loved ones. I often times lock off my true self to people because I fear being vunerable to people who are that corrupt. It gets easier and easier each year I'm alive to see through bullshit and realize when someones being fake. Its truly an art that has to be mastered over many years of observation. So just be on the look out for people. Don't be naive enough to think that your own family or your own friends won't turn their back on you in an instant.
Some people think that because I'm nice and because I'm friendly that I'm weak. But don't mistake kindness for weakness.
Growing up for me was never easy. I went through alot of stuff that isn't considered normal, maybe not even be considered right but i made it through and I made the best out of it. Now my main focus is to build myself up and make something out of myself. Life is too short to dwell on the past so if you live in the past just know I'm not gonna mess with you.
People spend too much time dwelling on the past... on things they can't change, things they've said that they can't take back. Shit at some point we all go through that and feel that way. Its human emotion... but if you can realize that its weak emotions like that, that keeps you down... you'd realize there are other emotions out there that will build you up and make you better. If you rise above the disaster, above the mistakes, above and beyond all the bullshit... you'll realize that theres much more to life than the past. Each day we have on the earth needs to be cherished... lived to the fullest. You slack and you're only killin your self

Self Love

For so long i've wanted a love that I thought would never exist.

I searched for so long only to be disappointed time and time again.

Letting my heart fall is so much easier than picking up the pieces once it's broke.

I kept falling for the wrong types and the wrong reasons.

Part of it was being young and being blind.

Thinking that love was the only way I'd ever truly be happy with myself.

But I'm here now saying that no matter how bad I'm hurt,

That I'll never stop loving myself.

You'll Always Be A Cheater!

I still find myself wondering why you married her.
Why you'd even fuck with me and make me think she didnt exist.
How I didn't piece together you were on bullshit is still beyond me.
But I vowed from that day forth to never let my emotions blind me from reality.
Had I known what I knew now before I met you I'd have never came around.
How she's still with you even after all we went through is besides me.
Maybe shes stupid enough to let her emotions blind her.
I feel bad for her... that every night she goes to bed with a scam artist.
Every morning she wakes up to a snake.... a cheat... a lie.
How does it feel waking up with a woman who loves you so much that even after you cheated on her....
shes still there with that same love.
Let that guilt eat away at your perfect made up little world.
You better pray to God and be thankful she even kept your sorry ass.
Because if that girl was me... you'd have been kicked to the curb soon as shit went off.
You treat me like the tramp now...
like some how it was my fault.
Like I'm the one that tried to ruin what you two have.
But last time i checked you were the playa.
You were the one that came around me when you we're engaged to another woman.
You turned my life upsidedown and you crushed the woman that should have mattered most to you.
I wish I hadn't played that part.
If I would have known I'd have never picked up that phone
I would have never returned those calls.
But I foolishly fell for your smooth line of bullshit.
My only last words to you now...
is that you can claim that you've changed and try and live your life with the delusion that you love her and your life will be perfect....
but karma is a bitch my friend....
and hell hath no fury than a woman scorned.

For Susan Thomas

You've been my friend for years.
You've been here through thick and thin.
And I've always appreciated that.
I dont know if I ever took enough time to show you.
Now that your gone I see how I took you for granted.
Never really understood how much you meant to me till I lost you.
We all miss you, miss the woman we used to know.
I'm scared that because of how all this went down.
That we'll never get the real susan back again.
I still dont even know if I could truly look at you the same way.
It's hard not having you around.
The party's aren't the same.
And although we laugh and seem like we're enjoying ourselves.
Inside we feel empty... because without you being a part of our lives.
It feels incomplete and wrong.
Without you to fill that void everything just seems off.
Everytime the phone rings I wonder if it's you.
Wonder where you are... and if you're okay.
What you're thinking and if you are even in your right mind anymore.
It's still difficult seeing you act the way you are.
I'm so used to seeing a strong creative woman.
Someone who's smile lights up the room.
I can't invision you without that smile.
The last time I saw you it killed me inside to see you in that state.
Paranoia, anger, anguish ....
you looked miserable.
And thats not the woman I know.
I refuse to accept it.
I just want you to come back....
For everything to return to the way it was.
I want my best friend back

It Feels So Right

It's hard falling asleep without you.
I'm so used to you laying next to me.
Waking up to your smiling face.
Holding me in a way no one else ever has.
You bring a whole new meaning to intimacy.
A kind of intimacy I've never had with any one else.
An intimacy I never want to share with anyone else anyways.
Without you the air is thick.
Each breath harder to take than the last.
Each moment lasting longer than it should.
Time freezing in mid air making the time we spend apart seem like eternity.
You are never out of my mind.
With every move I make and every word I speak.
You consume my mind, body and soul.
Sometimes I find myself asking is this all a dream?
But then I wake up and my feelings are still there,
And I know it can't be a dream.
With you there are endless possiblities.
There's no limit to what I can do.
You motivate me, you make me want to be more!
Could I possibly be falling?
It's possible that I am...
The difference between falling this time and all the other times.
Is I want to savour every moment of this fall.
I want it to be the last time I fall like this.
With you it's just so different....
It all just feels so right

Cheating

It always amazes me how women can be so irrational when it comes to men. The amount of energy they put trying to scare other brauds away from their man. I still have yet to understand the point in using all your energy for something so dumb. If you love someone you should trust them with everything. That means trusting them not to cheat. If you can't trust your man not to cheat then what's the point of being with him. Why take it out on the other women who for the most part are probably blind to the fact he even has a girl. I'm sick of women who get all pissed off because they find out their man is cheating on them and then they take it out on the braud who didnt even know that she even existed. They hold this eternal grudge for all of time that they never seem to get over. Don't they get tired of being so on guard.Tired of having to worry?! Whats the point in being with a man that will put you through that... still doesnt make sense to me. Yet they sit and hate on the women who their men cheat on them with when they technically didnt do any wrong. Dont get me wrong it's one thing if the braud new he had a woman.. in that case beat the bitches ass....but when the he's playing both of you .. shouldnt we as women stand up together and fight!? No instead they place the blame on other people and try to justify why their men did it. They are so insecure with themselves that they cant imagine themselves with any other man so they make up excuses for their cheating asses... and hate on the women who fell victim just like that woman did. Hardly makes sense now does it...

If Only They Knew!!

I'm so much more than I seem,

So much more than you think.

On the outside I seem normal,

But inside damage is being repaired.

Some damage that can never be undone.

Damage that affects who I am today.

People want to think they understand.

They sit there and act like they know.

But in actuality they have no clue.

What I've been through, where i've been.

If only they really knew.

Would they still love me for who I am?

Or would they turn their back on me

and forget I even existed?

OVER YOU!

What an amazing feeling it is to look into the eyes of someone who at one point ruined your life... beat you down both mentally and physically... and when looking into his eyes... you have no fear... no regret... no hidden feelings deep inside you that you forgot had existed. You can face that person now and realize you are 100% over them. For years I never thought that I could ever be with anyone else... that no one else would ever want me. I fooled my self into believe such lies. Partially because I didnt have much self confidence. But I stand before you a changed woman. Changed for the better... and never again will I let another human being man or woman make me who I am. Love is a feeling... it doesnt make you a different person. And its when we realize that when you fall in love nothing changes about who you truly are... that my friends is when you are truly in love... dont ever let another human being define who you are. They can be a huge influence on your being... they can be a huge part of your life... but never will another person make you who you are... only you can do that!

R.I.P. Devante

R.I.P. Devante

It seems like just yesterday,

We use to chill on the block.

Never caused no harm.

Just did us that's how it was.

Haters kept hating on us.

They were jealous to begin with.

Jealous that we had a friendship,

a kind of friendship they'd never understand.

Shit got crazy and words got passed.

Happens everyday in the hood.

Hardly thought it would matter.

Except the night I got that phone call.

My whole world was ripped apart.

At first I thought it was a joke.

Until I heard your mama's voice.

My best friend had fallen.

Fallen to the barrell of a gun.

You were never the type to step down.

Let a man push you around.

I always seemed to respect that.

But this one time I wish you did back down.

Maybe then you'd still be here with me today.

You will forever be missed.

I'll never have a friend quite like you.

I can't help but wonder why.

Why he pulled the trigger.

Why he thought it was that serious,

Serious enough to end your life.

For that I believe he is a coward.

A coward that hid behind that loaded gun.

A coward that took my best friend from me.

Never again will I see that grin on your face.

All I have now are distant memories.

Memories that I will hold dear until I fall myself.

And until we meet again my friend.

I'll be holdin it down for you here on earth.
YOU WILL BE FOREVER MISSED!
R.I.P. Devante Willis 08/25/1982-04/26/2008

I'm Sorry

I’m Sorry

Falling in love with you was easy.

It seemed so natural and unplanned.

You made me feel so special.

Like in a fairy tale romance.

Things started off perfect.

Pictures, poems and notes.

But as time passed things changed.

And so did my feelings for you.

I'd be a fool to say I didn't care.

A part of me will still always love you.

But the process of falling out of love drained me.

The late nights I stayed up wondering.

The weeks that passed without word.

The phone calls that ended too soon.

Bringing questions up in my mind.

Questioning our love, questioning your love.

I vowed once before that I'd never let that happen again.

Never again will I allow another person to break my heart.

So that is why we're over.

I've been through this too many times before.

Enough to know where all this was leading.

And before either of us gets hurt.

I'm saving us both the heart ache and tears.

Me

Me.
Who are you to judge me?

Who are you to care?

You have no idea who I am.

Don't pretend to don't you dare.

I don't claim to be perfect.

That's not even what I desire.

Sometimes we're better broken.

It makes us who we are.

My past is not the greatest.

But it's over and can't be changed.

But it's made me who I am today.

I have only myself to blame.

Please don't act like you know me.

Only a select few truly do.

If your lucky someday I'll let you in.

And change the world you knew

Old Poetry :)

OLD POETRY

Most of this poetry is old, however I figured I'd put it up. Just for fun :-P

Day Dreams

I think of you all day and night.

When skies are gray you make them bright.

You cheer me up when I am down.

Your just was funny as a clown.

When I am scared you always there.

You brush your fingers through my hair.

You everything and more to me.

Your love's as endless as the sea.

Felicia HaarCopyright ©2002

Hard Times

There are times when I am happy.

There are times when life is great.

But when some people diss me,

I feel life's a mistake.

They say that I am ugly,

And sometimes say I'm fat.

Sometimes it makes me wonder,

"Do I really look like that?"

If they do thats stupid.

My personality counts.

But superficial people,

just look at outward amounts.

Please somebody help me,

I feel like no one cares.

Please somebody help me,

To help me no one dares.

Felicia Antoinette HaarCopyright ©2002

Hate

Hate is all around us

in our schools,

in our homes,

This horrible feeling of dispare I have.

Will it ever go away.

Words are a very powerful expression.

They often are abuse.

People in the world today never care about what they are saying.

They toss their words around like its no big deal.

Words of hate.

Words of loathe.

The world is filled with so much hate!

Felicia Antoinette HaarCopyright ©2005

The World Today

I sit alone and wonder

why life is such a pain.

I work my hardest everyday

but still I see no gain.

It's like the world is crying

but no one seems to care.

Some people just don't listen

they don't have time to spare.

If only life was different

and people really cared.

The world would be a better place

no person would be scared.

Each day we face a problem

each harder than the last.

But somehow certain people

give anything but their best.

Our future seems uncertain

our future so impure.

This sadness may last a life time

unless our happiness finds a cure.

If people act plain selfish

and treat some people bad,

That action could affect someone

and make that person sad.

If everyone was ignorant

our world we know could die.

We have to live a cheerful life

and respect all of human kind.

Although it seems impossible

and hard to give a try,

We have to give life one more chance

in order to survive.

Felicia Antoinette HaarCopyright ©2006

Untitled

I stay awake all night and day,

trying to wash the memories away.

I miss you every day and night,

but i'm sick and done with all these fights

you've hit me once

and once again

I've made the mistake this has to end.

I'll always care and that's no lie

but this is the end of you and I

Felicia Antoinette HaarCopyright ©2006

To My Birth Mom

I am so happy that I have found you,

I have so much to say.

Thank you for the sacrifice,

You had to make that day.

I know that it has been forever,

And lots of time has past.

But now everything is beginning,

And we'll make every second last!

I wish you a Happy Birthday

With Many More to Come,

I am so glad that we've found each other.

My searching now is done.

Felicia Antoinette HaarCopyright ©2006

Maybe: The Eye of the Beholder

Eventually things will get better.

I keep telling myself that.

Do I believe it?Maybe.

Maybe not.

Who am I kidding?

Look at me.

Look!Look what I have become.

My whole life I've been obsessed with love.

So obsessed that if I didn't have it I was miserable.

Is that healthy?

Should someone crave love that bad.

Sometimes I think it's some sort of disease.

A mental obsession I just can't break.

Now that I've found it and it's gone sour

I still can't shake it off.

I crave it like a drug.

I want it. I need it.

I've just got to have it.

I'll be unhappy until it returns.

I want that love back in my life.

No new love no old love.

Just that one.

But lets face it.

Is it really possible?

Maybe. Maybe not.

I hate the word maybe.

It leaves so much possibility

and creates so much more anxiety.

You are left at the edge of your seat waiting.

Waiting and waiting until finally you can't wait anymore.

Should I wait or should I just move on.

Moving on usually means finding another love.

But if I move on I know I'll never find that true love again.

Never with the same intimacy and faith.

I'll never be comfortable with someone as I was with him.

Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

But who's to say that it wasn't.

Maybe it is?

It's just going to take a while.

I don't know.

Maybe this life means something.

Maybe it doesn't.

I guess its just in the eye of the beholder.

Felicia Antoinette HaarCopyright ©2006

Untitled

I miss him so,

so much right now,

It's driving me insane.

But what he did was very bad,

And really such a shame.

I love him more than life itself,

Although I know its wrong,

But love is something hard to break,

A strong and endless bond.

You shouldn't harm someone you love,

Or make them feel unsafe.

So why can't I stop loving him,

And stop seeing his face.

My life was good when he was there,

He always made me smile.

But on certain days when things went wrong,

Nothing seemed worth while.

I know I should just get away,

From all this pain and strife.

But how can I just run away,

This pain has been my life.

Felicia Antoinette HaarCopyright ©2006 Felicia Antoinette Haar

With You

With You
Everyday with you is amazing,

Every minute apart from you lasts too long.

I dont know what the future brings.

All I know is you're here with me now.

With me every step of the way.

You're there when I'm down.

And you're there when I'm on cloud nine.

Your love keeps me grounded.

But at the same time lifts me up higher than I've ever been.

With you nothing else seems to matter.

With you I have everything

Miss You Like Crazy

Missing You Like Crazy

All alone in this bed,

Got me yearnin for your touch.

Missing you like crazy

Cuz i need you so damn much.

The nights seem long and lonely

The dark so much more thick

Got me feinin to get back to you

Hurry up real fast real quick.

If only you understood that

If only you truly knew

How intense my feelings are for you.

How pure and so very true.

I can talk to you for hours.

But it still will never compare.

To the feeling laying next to you.

And having you right there.

Song

I should have never said I loved you.

Should have never let you in.

If i didnt let my heart fall.

It would have never been broken.

You played your part to get me

Made yourself look like the best.

Thinking your girl was the thing to be

Make me better than the rest.

But sometimes good things dont last long

if its too good to be true it could be wrong

Wouldnt be up late writing this damn song.

I wish i knew the truth all along.

From the very beginning i gave you my all

You played your part but not for long

You started to change into a dog

More interested in takin hits off dat bong.

Your drugs consumed you

They stole your heart.

And from that moment on

The madness would start

Can't Sleep

Can't Sleep

I'm awake again can't fall sleep

Seems this happens everyday

I lay in bed and ask my self

Why does it have to be this way.

Im so stressed out its hard to think.

I don't know what to do.

My minds a mess and quite a blur

It's hard to think shit through.

I know if I just take a break

and try to clear my mind.

The answer will reveal itself.

I need to give this time.

But for now im so impatient.

I'm sick of being broke

In a world so materialistic

I feel like a freaking joke.

Missing You

Missing You!

Sometimes late at night I cry.
Cry because I miss you.
Everyday every minute without you
Tears at my heart.
I know you're in a better place.
Not in pain, not suffering.
But some how I feel the need to be selfish.
I still needed you here with me.
So many things I never said.
So many things you never knew.
I know some how you know.
You still know to this day.
Your somewhere smilin down on me
Wondering why im so distraught.
Wondering why I dont have faith.
But its the unknown that haunts me
The possibility that you'll never know
The possibility I didnt show my appreciation.
I want you to know I loved you
Still do and always will.
But till we meet again....
I'll be missing you like crazy

Broken

Broken

Sitting here tryin to wash away the memories.
Of what happened that fucking night.
Wishing I never went to that party.
If I didnt go I'd be alright.
I trusted you with my well being.
Yet you were too drunk to even care.
Not know what would happen
You sent me off else where.
You went off to do your business.
And left me with that man.
That man who fucking raped me.
Touching my body with them nasty hands.
Passed out drunk on the bed.
I never even had a chance.
I blacked out from all the drinking.
Only to wake up without my pants.
This man was all on top of me.
I couldnt stop the pain.
I couldnt even raise my hand.
To fight and stop his game.
I wish I knew all this would happen
Before i agreed to go.
Though Ill never tell you what happened
Because somehow I think you already know.
So to you I say keep on walkin.
Our friendship consider over
Because of you i'm now broken.
These scars I cannot cover.
The months have past now
This mess cant be undone.
Yet Im still feeling empty.
Its hard to trust anyone.

My Theory on Life Today (work in progress)

My Theory On Life Today (work in progress)

So I'm on the phone with one of my really close friends today and I stumbled upon some shit in my head that made everything about this life extremely crystal clear. In a way I suppose you can say that it changes the way I view life. I believe sometimes you need to just sit and think about things in order for you to clearly see whats really going on.It all started out when I brought up the problem I had with our economy and the government. More specificly the whole organic foods issue. First of all, what on earth have we been eating this entire time before they started using the term "organic". So essentially, the question I'm trying to ask is: Why are we paying more for items and food that are grown naturally. Last time I checked pesticides, growth hormones, and genome reproduction are way more expensive than growing something with seeds. water, and soil. So why are we paying more for these items? Why should we have to pay extra to eat healthier? Why should we as a people pay to live in a safer enviroment? Isnt that essentially what the government is there for? What the FDA is there for? What is the USDA there for? I mean what is any government funded program for? Why should we have to pay for eco-friendly cars? I mean lets face it , why should we have to do anything? As is we have to work two jobs in this day and age just to stay afloat and live a halfway comfortable life. Why should we have to do all the work and pay more money for all these services, items and resources? Isnt that what we supposably pay taxes for? Anyway you slice the pizza, the fact is we as US citizens and human beings are being extorted. Have you ever stopped to ask your self why gas prices are so high? I know I do everyday. Most would believe that the cause for the increase in gas prices are because of the war in Iraq and all that terrorism mumbo jumbo. However I truly believe its something way beyond that. I mean think about it really. Do you ever hear about anywhere else in the world having issues with sky rocketing gas prices to the extent that the US does? I may be wrong because I havent researched this subject thoroughly but last time I checked no one but the U.S. is having problems of this magnitude when it comes to gas. While some would like to believe that its because of the "War in Iraq", I believe if you open up your eyes and start noticing things for what they truly are, the trends will tell you otherwise. Right now like it or not, this country IS in a depression. They may sugar coat whats going on with their keen forms of word play, but ultimately when it all comes down to the nitty gritty, we're in a depression. We are printing more and more money when the amount of gold we have in the treasury is still the same. For those who don't know, paper money isnt valuable. Its the gold it reflects. All this gold, all the gold the US owns, is in the treasury. The paper money and coin money that we handle everyday is just a mere reflection of what the U.S. has. Now when the dollar was first invented, the concept was right. However, they kept printing and printing the money there for each dollar that was produced ultimately brought down the value of the next dollar. Then you get credit card companies in the mix who are giving people unrealistic spending abilities. Thus in turn plumitting our economy even further into the ground. So all that is just a recipe for disaster. I mean its plain for anyone to see thats not a good thing. To top it off they pay all these professional atheletes, actors, singers and rappers all this money which essentially is another form of overextending the amount of gold we have in the country. I mean I'm all about if you work hard for your money then you should get it and be compensated for your time, but I'm also a firm believer that people get way to overcompensated for things at times. Especially in this day and age. As Americans we're overcompensated for everything. My generation along with the ones that have been following after me, seem to be under the delusional impression that just because they wake up every morning they are entitled to the world. Especially growing up in an afluent rich neighborhood, it was aparent that in this day and age children are spoiled because parents are lazy. Parents are too lazy to actually raise their children so instead they spoil them with IPods, cell phones, ps2's, computers and other junk to keep their children out of their hair and distraction. A form of effortless control for parents. Our generations and the generations that are to follow in our footsteps are being raised now not by parents but by mainstream society and the media. Last time I checked, they were playing condom commercials during after school hours and sexual performance enhancers during dinner hours and afternoon talk shows. Music about crude sexual favors and explicit lyrics being played on the radio incessantly. They'll edit and sensor out cuss words and profantiy but when it comes to inuendos they dont care. Its the inuendos that make shit look cute and appealing. And its cute things that kids latch on to. Sometimes because they think its funny and sometimes because they think its cool. Children are so easily influenced. They wonder why we have so many bad ass kids. Well look whos raising them. Why is it that the government allows this? I mean obviously they must have kids right? Are they not concerned about their children? Probably not. They have money to put their kids through extraciriculars and private league teams. They have the money to keep their kids busy. But everday working people dont have that priviledge all the time and sometimes its easier for parents to turn the tv on or the game console. The government essentially doesnt care about everday working class people and their families because they are too busy tryin to control them. This government is run by old money. Basically you pretty much have to be born into our goverment, although they never will admit this, to have any authority in the white house or within our government. It's all the same people who, in some way shape or form, were born into wealth. They are born into that stature. So essentially no one gives a hoot about your kids, my kids, or her kids. In a technologicaly advanced world they are now using media and myspace and other forms of entertainment and leisure as distractions to keep us as a society controlled. The more we sit in front of the computer the less chances we have to rebel because we're in the comfort of our own home. Thats how they want us to view it. When in reality, like Alex Jones claims, we are turning into a prison world. Our houses like jail cells. We just think we have freedom when really we get what freedom they decide to give us. Almost how it is in prison.

My Life

My Life

I was brought into this world unexpectedly.

Not planned and possibly not wanted.

Yet still I stand here today with a purpose.

What I want to do with my life has yet to be determined.

However I will not live in vane.

I may not be perfect when it comes to the way I act or look.

But I AM a wonderful person

Divorce

Divorce

When you left it broke my heart

And caused me so much pain.

You didnt want to work things out

Everyone else was to blame.

I've held it in for way to long

And kept my mouth tight shut.

But no longer will I act this way

And lock in every thought.

I know you love both me and Cait

I cant deny you that.

But I'll never respect the things you've done

And the way you've hurt my dad.

The lies and games must come to an end

The drama needs to quit.

The excessive calls and guilt trips

Are really making me pissed.

Im always going to love you

That truly is no lie.

But I can only hope you stop this shit.

I pray you really try

Waiting

Waiting...
I long for a love so pure and true

A love that can nuture and see each day through

Not taken for granted or put to the side

A love dedicated a love to abide

Some wait forever and some never fall

Some things they've fallen but havent at all

I long for the day that my lover will come

Until then I'm waiting for my special someone

My Thoughts on Love

My Thoughts on Love

The more I think about love, the more bewildered I become. When someone is in love its a wonderful feeling but at the same time its terrifying. No other 3 words mean as much as "I Love You" Love makes you vunerable and thats why most cowards focus on materialistic things to keep themselves busy. To be vunerable like your not in control. In this day and age we have to control everything and being vunerable isnt exactly something we like. But when you fall in love you have to have faith. Faiththat if it was meant to be it will be and if its not whatever happens will only make you stronger and build character. So why are we really afraid of being vunerable... isnt it how we react in situations where we're vunerable that we become who we are as people? Isnt it then we start learning things? Think about that

Knowledge is Power!

Knowledge is Power!

In this world it is extremely hard to meet people who think like I do. People are so naive and closed minded. There is so much more to this world we live in than we even realize at times.However most people just float through life noticing only blatantly obvious things. Most go throughout life only seeing the tip of the iceberg. Society as we know it has turned into one big fantasy land. I sometimes believe we're living one big life like simulation. Like nothing really even exists anymore. Almost like the matrix. Maybe not a computer simulation but essentially we walk around this earth like drones... programmed and brain washed. We're just trapped in one big redundant cycle. Wil it ever truly end or will it just go on like this forever... thats what i wanna know. Just remeber knowledge is power!From the moment we are born we have been conditioned to avoid confrontation!

Without You

Without You

Every minute we spend apart

Seems like an eternity

My heart aches for your embrace

and only your arms can eliviate that pain.

When we're together anything is possible.

You lift me up to places I've only dreamed of.

Your kisses could turn anything to gold.

Your embrace could warm the world.

Your very touch could melt the sun.

Instead it makes my heart melt

My legs weak

Everyday you continue to amaze me

And make me fall in love.

Oh how I've loinged for a love like this.

No more wishng upon stars

No more searching for a miracle.

I've finally found my prince charming.

And your even better than I imagined.

Come Home!

Come Home

If only you were here right now.

I'd make everything okay.

Put a smile back on your face again

And wipe your fear away.

I wish I knew ahead of time

The way you really felt.

You wouldnt have to suffer alone

All your friends would have helped.

I wish I culd tell you I love you.

And how much I truly cared.

Convince you to come right back home

And make sure you wasn't scared.

So please come home we miss you.

Without you its not the same.

All we want to do is help you.

Our friendship will always remain the same.

Was it all a Dream?

Was it all a Dream?

Words can barely describe what you mean to me.

You're everything good in my life.

Your my happiness, my joy, my strength.

You're my lover, my man, and my best friend

You're the reason why every love song makes me think of you.

You're always on my mind.

Just the thought of you brightens my day.

If i ever lost you my world would be crushed.

You mean the world to me baby and each day we spend together

Brings us closer together.

Your the man of my dreams and so much more

Fed Up!

Fed Up

I feel like an idiot

I feel like a fool

Im so aggrivated

This shit isnt cool

I dont understand you

I dont even know why

I dont like this feeling

Should I even really try.

Please stop with the bullshit

Please stop with the games.

My heart is not a toy.

Stop being so lame.

If you want me then take me.

If you dont then go home.

I dont want this drama.

I'd rather be alone.

Emotions

Emotions

Im awake but i'm sleeping

I'm happy but depressed.

I cry but i'm laughing

I'm chill but Im stressed.

I'm straight but I'm not sober.

I'm up but i'm down.

I'm upset and I'm angry

My smile just hides my frown.

From one extreme to the next

This ride is isane.

My life is a roller coaster.

A huge life sized game.

So go ahead and play me.

Pretend that you can win.

But once you start this game wit me.

Your head if finna spin.

He said, she said, they said.
It's always how it starts.
And then from there it goes down hill.
And people break apart.
It's like a broken cycle
Never ceasing to exist.
On and on and on we go
We're uanble to resist.
If people took a second
To say things face to face
That honesty would over rule
And drama'd be erased.
But until we love ourselves enough
To tell someone the truth
The drama that exists today
Will continue to haunt our youth.

Cease to Exist!

Cease to Exist!
Excuse me as I cease to exist,

Let my image fade away.

Let my memory be but a distant dream.

Unimportant in everyway.

I dont need you to be happy

I dont need drama to exist

I'm happy just the way I am

With no bullshit and no twists.

It seems like every time I try

To give my heart away.

The person who i give it to

Lets me down and doesnt stay.

They come up with some bullshit

Instead of speaking truth.

Forgeting an idea called honesty.

Reverting to habits from our youth.

Monday March 30, 2009

I can't begin to wrap my mind around the way certain people think. It seems as if lately I've been running into more people who are complacent with just sitting around and doing nothing with their lives. I know I should just focus on myself and moving forward but I can't help but to be worried with the problems of the people I care about.
One of my best friends who is pretty much family is dead set on going back onto the streets to hustle. It kills me because he reminds me of a big percentage of people my age that resort to hustling in the streets as opposed to getting their lives together and taking the right road. Sometimes because it's too hard and sometimes because their mistakes from the past have haunted them in a way that makes it impossible to think optimistically about the future.
I've been through a lot myself in the past that could have affected how I think today. My past could have and for sometime did used to hold me back from moving towards a better future. However when I was able to acknowledge that the past cannot be erased and stopped obsessing about the things I could not changed I was able to move forward a lot easier. When you let yesterday determine your today and tomorrow you'll be stuck in the past forever and you'll be stuck in a mind frame that will suck you under like quicksand. Pessimism is the very attribute that keeps us as human beings bound in the cycles we fall victim to.